Beat Your Control · Meta ads

Give me 7 days of testing and I'll beat your best ad. If I lose (very unlikely) - you pay nothing, AND get a 2-minute humiliation ritual apology video. From me. Personally.

Three of my ads go up next to your current winner for seven days. That's the whole deal. No retainer, and no report full of reach and impressions at the end of it.

Lowest cost per result wins. If it's yours, you get every dollar of my fee back, and I go and film an apology.

Show me your best ad Only 5 spots a month

Disclaimer: This offer isn't for you if you:

  • Need 6 months to judge an ad
  • Want a 12-month contract
  • Trust the algorithm to do the work
  • Want a secret hack instead of testing
  • Think you'd write better hooks
Receipts

"Hold your horses buddy, why the hell would I believe any word that comes out of your filthy advertiser mouth?"

Six campaigns I ran for clients (the ones I've got screenshots for), straight out of Meta Ads Manager. Purchase campaigns, so Meta tracked people buying. Spend on one side, sales on the other.

  1. Campaign 1 5.11 Spent $235.35 · Came back $1,202.98 Campaign 1: Spent $235.35 · Came back $1,202.98 · ROAS 5.11. See the screenshot.
  2. Campaign 2 5.91 Spent $876.13 · Came back $5,178.68 Campaign 2: Spent $876.13 · Came back $5,178.68 · ROAS 5.91. See the screenshot.
  3. Campaign 3 7.50 Spent $336.93 · Came back $2,525.68 Campaign 3: Spent $336.93 · Came back $2,525.68 · ROAS 7.50. See the screenshot.
  4. Campaign 4 14.62 Spent $348.74 · Came back $5,099.85 Campaign 4: Spent $348.74 · Came back $5,099.85 · ROAS 14.62. See the screenshot.
  5. Campaign 5 42.31 Spent $43.39 · Came back $1,836.00 · cost per purchase $10.85 Campaign 5: Spent $43.39 · Came back $1,836.00 · ROAS 42.31 · cost per purchase $10.85. See the screenshot.
  6. Campaign 6 100.24 Spent $49.85 · Came back $4,997.00 Campaign 6: Spent $49.85 · Came back $4,997.00 · ROAS 100.24. See the screenshot.
Six client purchase campaigns on Meta, a selection: the ones I have screenshots for. Purchase ROAS = sales tracked by Meta divided by ad spend. Revenue, not profit.

Median Meta ROAS (Triple Whale, 40,000+ brands): 1.88 (August 2025 to July 2026, all industries and objectives). Source: Triple Whale, Facebook Ad Benchmarks by Industry (Updated 2026 Data), updated August 17, 2026

Meta Ads Manager: $235.35 spent, $1,202.98 in purchase value, purchase ROAS 5.115.11 Meta Ads Manager: $876.13 spent, $5,178.68 in purchase value, purchase ROAS 5.915.91 Meta Ads Manager: $336.93 spent, $2,525.68 in purchase value, purchase ROAS 7.507.50 Meta Ads Manager: $348.74 spent, $5,099.85 in purchase value, purchase ROAS 14.6214.62 Meta Ads Manager: $43.39 spent, cost per purchase $10.85, $1,836.00 in purchase value, purchase ROAS 42.3142.31 Meta Ads Manager: $49.85 spent, $4,997.00 in purchase value, purchase ROAS 100.24100.24

$1 in → $14.62 back

In sales, not profit. Before anyone emails me about it.

For context: the median Meta ads ROAS across 40,000+ brands is 1.88 (Triple Whale, August 2025 to July 2026).

"We only do ads" I said. I lied...

Because once upon a time, surrounded by fairies and dreams...

I took on the job of re-designing an entire funnel for a decent-size brand I worked with.

And who knows? Maybe the results I'll show you below had nothing to do with my work and God just decided "F**k yeah, let's pump $30k into their business, who's gonna stop me?".

Or maybe it was Santa Claus who got them all the sales.

I don't know anything besides the fact that:

After me redesigning their funnel, they made almost $30k MORE than the month before.

$54,729.44

Total sales · December 2023

Shopify dashboard for an online store: total sales $54,729.44, December 1 to 31, 2023

$83,179.63

Total sales · January 2024

Shopify dashboard for the same store: total sales $83,179.63, January 1 to 31, 2024

Difference: $28,450.19.

Total sales for an online store, Dec 1 to Dec 31, 2023 vs Jan 1 to Jan 31, 2024. What I did for them: redesigned their funnel.

Be honest with me for a sec

You finally find an ad that sells... ...and two weeks later it's dead. Again.

So you do what every owner does.

You sit in Ads Manager way past bedtime, staring at the numbers like they owe you money. New hooks. Old winners with a new thumbnail. A quiet prayer to the algorithm.

Or you hand it to an agency. They spend your money (plus their fees), and when you ask why nothing's selling you get:

"Ads just need more time."

(Translation: we have no idea please keep paying.)

Which one sounds like you?

"I run them myself"

"Every day I'm analyzing old winners, making iterations, trying new hooks, trying to reverse engineer what changed."

That's not running ads. That's a second full-time job with no salary.

(And you already have a full-time job. It's called running the business.)

"My agency runs them"

"Not profitable and burning $800 a day plus their fees. Am I being impatient, or is something not right?"

You're not impatient. Something is not right.

An agency that can't tell you WHY your money's disappearing isn't "giving it time", it's draining your wallet.

"I fired my agency"

"Same template they put down on every brand. I constantly had to tell them what to test. What a waste of money that was."

Paying someone to do the job, then doing the job for them. Classic.

If your ad could go out under any other brand's name and nobody would notice - it's BAD.

Either way you end up in the same spot: paying for ads you can't trust, with no clue who to trust next.

So let me show you how I do it. Short version? I steal from your customers.

How I'm gonna beat your best ad

I steal your customers' words... ...and sell them back to them. Legally.

Three steps, same order, every single time.

Step 1: I snoop on your customers

Before I write a single word, I go through your reviews, your comments, your competitors' reviews, and the Reddit threads where people moan about stuff like yours.

Not for fun. (Ok, a little for fun.)

I'm hunting for the exact words your customers use when they're annoyed, excited, or one click away from buying. Because the best ad copy isn't written. It's stolen from the people you sell to.

Step 2: I write waaaay too many hooks

Then I write hooks. Lots of them. Waaaay more than I'll ever use.

Most of them are garbage. (That's the point.)

I bin the garbage, bin the "meh", and keep the three sharpest. Your winners are videos? I swap those hooks onto 3 of them. Images? I build 3 brand-new ads.

Step 3: I make the thumb stop

Nobody reads your ad. They see the first second of it and decide whether to keep scrolling.

So every ad gets built for that one second: the hook, the first frame, the image. If it doesn't make the thumb stop, it doesn't go live. Simple as that.

Then my three go up right next to your best ad, and we let the numbers do the talking.

Now, since we're quite certain I can beat your best ad...

Here are the rules for how I'll do that

7 days

Test length

Seven days of testing. Then you know, either way.

$25-$100/day

Test ad spend

My ads launch alongside your winners. Same week, same fight.

48h

Prep time

Up to 48 hours for me to get ready. Then it's live.

3 ads

What goes in the ring

Video winners? I swap the hooks on 3 of them. Image winners? I make 3 new ones.

Lowest CPR

How it's scored

Cost per result, on your metric: opt-in, call booked, or purchase. No vanity numbers.

$800

One-time fee ($500 if you give me a testimonial)

One payment. No retainer, no "monthly management", nothing that renews.

The guarantee

And if your ad wins? Here's exactly what happens.

100%

Full refund of my fee. Every dollar you paid me, back.

1 video

A 2-minute apology video, filmed by me and sent to you. I'll mean every second of it.

Will I win every single time? ...Yeah, so if you're:

Then please don't waste both of our time.

5 spots a month

I'm not going to sell you anything if I'm not 100% sure I can help you...

Why? Because if I lose, the refund comes out of my pocket. (And the apology video comes out of my dignity.)

So first, we hop on a quick call. You show me your best ad, and I ask you a looooot of questions.

If I think I can beat it, I'll tell you. If I don't, I'll tell you that too, and you still walk away with a plan for your ads you can use with or without me.